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User blog:Raging Blast/Story Reviews
Well, this is something I bring from another wiki I am/was active on (still hasn't decided if I'm still active). Here's how it works... #I make a grade list. #You request me a story to be reviewed. #I read it, then write the pros and cons about it. And finally, I rate it. NOTE: These are my honest reviews. I will be objective with them and will try not to be biased. I don't want to ruin my current/possible friendship with these reviews. NOTE: I'm not a machine. If I get a lot of reviews, it will take me weeks to do them. NOTE: The rating P is only given to near-perfect articles. One should look at the A as the best grade there is. Also, I will only review stories. Things like songs, pictures etc. If you want your characters and songs reviewed, go this link. Ratings: *P-Phintastic *A-Excellent *B-Very Good *C-Good *D-Meh *E-Bad *F-Lame Reviews! DNA Duplicate Rampagers of Danville Pros *The vocabulary is decent. *The story is readable even if the grammar is poor. *The story is somewhat interesting. *Maze being destroyed is a really interesting part, and also sticks to the canon where Perry and Doof destroy stuff etc. It was funny and unpredicted. Cons *Well, I'd say the name of the fic is a bit odd and long. *Lack of comas used... *Phineas and others just appear in the tent. What? And how did the man magically get there? It is unexplained... *""Still sleeping, Heinz screams "Curse you Perry the Platypus."" There was no explanation of Doof sleeping... Similar mistakes to this one happen... *As one reads, lots of stuff is left unexplained. I realize you wanted not to reveal anything, but some more explaining would be good. *"When he is done he makes sure all the machinery he double checks the machinery." What does that mean? Lack of puncation and capitalizing of the letter. The sentence like this is senseless... *What exactly is eye fluid? The stuff that the tears are made of? *The story is repetitive a bit. *Why did Connor do the experiment at all? And why with his friends if so? *Linda is somewhat OOC. *The happenings are to some point unbeliveable, even for P and F. *Phineas is somewhat OOC. *"Phineas says "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today."" Wasn't the mase what they were gonna do? It is highly unlikely that Phineas says that sentence twice a day. *2nd time: Poor grammar... *(This is the connor page problem, but I've just read it xD) It says Connor is an Aspie. The term "Aspie" isn't known to bunch of people, you should change that into Asperger's Syndrome. *Etc. {C}Closing Comments: I'd prefer to not read the story until the end, as I feel the Cons list will increase, and the Pros list would hardly do so... This story had good aspects, but lots of bad ones. The poor grammar and impropper puncation made the reading worse... If the reader wants, I'll read to the end, but I feel there's no need for it. Five-Words Summary: Really bad, barely interesting story. Final Rating: E+ A Very Phinbella Holiday Bonanza Pros *The 1st person view adds a nice touch to the story. *Decent grammar and spelling. *Switching between Phineas and Isabella is came out good, with some awkward moments. *It's interesting. Not a lot, but interesting indeed. *The fan-fic is easy to read. I like that. It's simple, but interesting. *Grammar correction of Isabella was a nice touch to the story, gives reality to it. Cons *The name of the fic is kinda awkwards, and really says pretty much everything about the story... *A minor con, but I think the Ferb is too much talkative at some parts. *It may be my not extreme knowledge of Isabella, but I think she's a bit OOC. *Phineas' answer to the xenon tetrafluoride exists isn't exactly the answer to what he asked. *Candace answering to Phineas about who is she drawing and her acting is a bit OOC. She appears to seem embarassed at some points including Jeremy. I'd say that her answer to "Whatcha drawing?" would be "It's none of your business!". I may be wrong at this point. *"O M G" 'nuff said. *The drawing of Isabella's cousin is bad... Without it, the article would look better I'd say. Closing Comments: This story was nice. It was interesting and characters acted as themselves for most of the time. The 1st person turned out great, fitting this story. Although it has some flaws, the story is decent. I am looking forward for the continuation. Five-Word Summary: Decent, has a few flaws. Final Rating: C+ The Lion Queen Pros *Decent grammar. Cons *Pairing the Lion King and P and F isn't really appealing, as the two have thousands of differences. *Not interesting. *I found mistakes in grammar and clear nonsense in the first sentences... *Has no prologue or anything that would at least explain the storyline. *OOC a lot... *I wouldn't continue... Closing Comments: I didn't read it until the end, because it was simply... bad, really, really bad. Everyone acts OOC. It should be named "Lion King with different names". And I don't wanna be harsh here, but it is the truth. Five-Word Summary: Bad story without any qualities. Final Rating: F+ Terror Strikes Danville Pros *The gramar is good, making the story understandable. *It is somewhat interesting. *Characters seem to keep with their personalities. Cons *The page to Melissa should be linked. Otherwise, we have to search for her to understand the story. *A minor con, but there were some typos and writing errors. *Is this taking place during the Rollercoaster episode? If so, it might have a few canon contradictions. *Doof used "gotta go" which I think is OOC for him. Correct me if I'm wrong. *It kinda contradicts canon. *I found some parts hard to understand. {C}Closing Comments: Well, the story is good and characters keep with their personalities. There are canon contradictions which makes me think this is AU. There is also one typo I noted and a "/" added without any reason. Other than that, the story is good, but short and unfinished so I can't give it a proper review. Five-Word Summary: Good, yet needs some cleanup. Final Rating: D+ If Phin Had One Day To Live Pros *Well, I'd like to read what Phin'd do if he had only one day left to live. It is hard to write about that, though, as Phineas' ideas are not something that many can think of... *"And you are not Irving?" I found that funny. *Interesting. Cons *The start is rather confusing. They are blasting in a rocket and a figure appears from nowhere? *There shouldn't have been chapters in this story, as one chapter here is the point of view of a character. This way, a new chapter is a point of view from another character. The chapters themeselves should be renamed to the point of views of certain character. If you find this confusing, please tell me, 'cuz I believe I've not explained this well. *Bad spelling. *Can be hard to understand at moments. Lack of paragraphs where they are needed makes most of these moments. *"If she knew Phin's fate, she won't have done that." That is grammatically incorrect, an improper use of conditionals. It should either be "If she knew Phin's fate, she wouldn't do that." or (the more appealing) "If she had known Phin's fate, she wouldn't have done that." The grammar itself is not really good. *I think everyone is "underreacting" in this story. Isabella would probably have a heart attack at the message where Phineas would die in 24h. *Pari is not how they write Paris in French, it's Paris too, but it's pronounced differently. *"(that is not Perry)" If we saw Isabella's point o' view, she wouldn't've mentioned that it's not Perry. She would give some explanation to it that would tell us it's not Perry. That is because the character in P and F don't know of Perry's identity for the most time. *They can make a clone of him? That is kinda awkward. Closing Comments: While this story has an interesting ideas, it is not the best it could be. The bad grammar and spelling takes the fun of the good parts. Five-Word Summary: Interesting idea, but bad realization. Final Rating: D Phineas's Mistake Pros *A nice summary, something many stories lacked. *A character rooster. That's nice. *Easily readable, made the story nice to read. *I found it interesting just from the first chapter. *As a story with a more deep and psychological plot than the regular Phineas and Ferb episodes, it turnet out pretty good. *It's nice how you said what happened 2 years after and how things changed. Cons *I think it would be awkward for Isabella to tell her secret to Irving that fast... *If I remember, Irving told Isabella to ask Phineas out, not the other way around. Or did he tell this to both of them? *"Then the "jokes" became more cruel and along the lines of "Irving is gay" or "Irving should cut himself"." I don't think he'd say "Irving is gay"... While Buford probably is rude, he wouldn't say that. It's OOC for the Phineas and Ferb universe, not just for him. *People are saying others what is their crush is too often in this story... *You are censoring "a**" or "butt", but you're not censoring "gay"...? *Isabella was incredibly and incredibly OOC when she said "Irving, we all think you're a freak. We never want you to sit with us again. Go away, and never come back." She would more likely confront Buford tha tell him this... *Phineas and Ferb would confront Buford at this point, and not be scared of him. *They moved just 'cuz Irving's mom thought the other moms are bad? That is seriously hard to believe. It's not like the mother controls the family... *This is honestly too dark for Phineas and Ferb... *I don't believe any family would behave like Irving's. *"There was an accident involving Irving." I think the explanation of the accident his mom would give in the first place. This way, she just left Albert panicking. *Suicide is kinda too dark for Phineas and Ferb. *No one besides a psychopath wouldn't be shaken by the news of someone dying. And Buford is just 12. He needed to have some kind of reaction to the Death of Irving. Closing Comments: This story is well written and has a good idea. I found it interesting for the most time, but after Irving started gettting bullied, I began to think it was too dark and OOC for Phineas and Ferb. This was getting worse as the story procceded. The author has done good to make the story more deep and psychological, but he has overdone it in the last chapters. I personally believe Irving wouldn't commit suicide and his family wouldn't behave the way it did. Five-Word Summary: Disobeys how PaF works, decent. Rating: D+ A British Werewolf in Danville Pros *"It was a blustery, chilly fall day in the suburbs of the city of Danville." From the first sentence, I knew that the GPS would be above average in the story. *Lol at Jessie licking the window to leave a message. The story itself had funny moments. I like this. *It was interesting to read from the very start. *Characters kept to their personalities for 92% of the time. Made the scenes much more believeable. *Everything seems to be easily understandable, something many stories I've read lacked. *The idea of giving Ferb a costume was nice, probably something Phineas would do. *The thrilling plot always made be question "What is going to happen next?" Cons *Well, the idea of Jessica being the Ferb's twin brother and her mother being an alien I didn't really find appealing, but I will try to make this not get in the way. *I don't know if this may be true, but the fact that Ferb and Jessie can telepathically speak makes me think this is a discrimination of Phineas as he (seemingly) can't... This might be silly, but that's how I see it. *“Twenty-seven” Phineas said “Any other questions?" While this is possibly a non-existent con, knowing Phineas, he'd know around 100 digits of Pi. *"Phineas was so paralyzed..." I don't think Phineas would be paralyzed at anything. He was calm when a dinosaur was chasing him... *Technically "releasing too much DNA" would be impossible for a small bite, especially when Ferb had his DNA mixed with the wolf's. *I believe Phineas would remember that he has a counterreacting syringe. I don't think fear would stop him of thinking that. *What did the "Gesundheit" mean? Closing Comments: I was seriously impressed by this story. While it had several OOC moments, the characters acted very good for most of the time. Not to mention that it had humorous parts. This, added to good grammar makes a very good story. And on the top of that, the cliched moments of the story weren't that bad. Five-Word Summary: A well done, interesting story. Final Rating: B Diary Pros *The grammar is decent. *It was nice to read, was somewhat interesting. Cons *Wait, the first story in Ginger's diary is "Diary". That's odd... and ironic... Closing Comments: This story is a bit too short for a detailed review. While it was nice, I don't believe Ginger would write some of these stuff in her diary. It has decent grammar, spelling and wording. I don't know what could I say more... Five-Word Summary: Nice, kinda awkward; short. Final Rating: D+ Finding Dad Pros *How you list through chapters is nice. Very well done. *The writing is good. Grammar, spelling and all that stuff. *I laughed when Phineas woke up to pee. *It was interesting to read the story, I admit. Cons *Just by oppening the story, I saw that the story barely has paragraphs. Paragraphs should be there... to make reading easier. *"His mom, a redhead in her mid-thirties, is crying as well. Another child is standing there beside Linda, Candace, she's a few years older than Phineas." In the first sentence, it is "his mom". In the second one, it is by some miracle "Linda". Nothing especially big, it's just, it should be explained who the "mom" was in the first place. *It was just awkward. Their dad slammed the door, but it was never said that Phineas got off his leg. *Everything is just too sudden and unexplained, I would say. *Instead of hugging mom, Isabella runs to Phineas and they are only 4-year old? That is nearly imposible, implies that she likes more Phineas than her mom... *A girl loses her dad and then she sleeps over at her friends'? That is just... wrong! *I don't think a family would keep a secret that Phineas' dad is not his real dad. This stuff is told to kids so they know the truth at early age... Especially to a kid who is as smart as Phineas. *Writing can be weird sometimes. *Lack of proper build-up in the story. *Candace would definitely not let them search for dad, even if it was (partially) right for Phineas and Isabella to search for him. *Wait, I just understood. Phineas is supposed to forget his dad who he saw when he had 4 years? Probably impossible, knowing him. *A whole bunch of OOC moments. *Isabella's mother tells her about her father too fast. *Okay, everyone lets kids go to a random city all by themselves? Pardon me, but seriously, WTF is that? *After a job such as a spy, one would get a better job than a car salesman. Closing Comments: A greatly, inmensly, uberly, incredibly overrated story. I managed to read only the prologue, most of the first chapter and the epilogue, and I found as many cons as all of the other stories I reviewed had together. While this story was interesting, it disobeyed some basic human principles and had tons of OOC. It also "betrayed" canon at one point. I don't think it deserved to be a featured article. Five-Word Summary: Greatly overrated, but still interesting. Final Rating: E+ The Last Summer Pros *Yea, rite... Cons *"Summer is over and now it's back to school all of the teenagers and kids are in danville school." Wut? *Instead of quotes, letters are italic? What now? *No puncation. *"Jeremy put's" Is that supposed to be "put has" or "put is" in your mind? Actually, it should've been "puts". *Sometimes, names don't have puncation at all. *I think the story could pass without that picture. *How does Albert have anything to do with this? *Very poor grammar. *What is even happening here? I don't understand. *The whole thing about fight between Mindy and Candace is pointless... Closing Comments: I think this stories has no qualities. Others have requested it while telling me it's terible. They were right. Five-Word Summary: Nothing good in this story. Final Rating: F The Aaron and Jessie Chronicles: The Mystery Begins Pros *I wouldn't give this story any... Cons *Eh, the name is just plain awkward... *Way little explanation for the characters. *After sentence, there is a space... And after a coma, there is also a space... Without spaces, a story is hella hard to read... *Poor explanation for everything. Stuff is too sudden. *"DUDE,YOU"RE A GIRL!!!!!!" Wait, wut? *Some bad spelling ('n' grammar)... *Okay, this story is barely comprehensible... *Scene flips, Scene flips, Scene flips, Scene flips... I really can find that annoying. *Etc. Closing Comments: I really think this story is bad, and barely understandable. That said, it has grammar I had a long time ago. I seriously have to give it the lowest rating, but ppl need to keep in mind that the girl who wrote this is just 10, so I call this understandable. She will get better over time. I hope this one doesn't break her spirit... Five-Word Summary: Bad, understandable for 10 years. Final Rating: F+ A Phintastic Investigation Pros *A nice name. *GPS is decent. *The story is easy to read, and nice. *The explanation of how people find Ferb's death is somewhat realistic. I really could imagine PnF characters acting like this. *Phineas' thoughts of life and death are quite nice. *Phineas solving a mistery, especially a criminal, is a very nice idea. Cons *Ferb dies in the 3rd paragraph. A bit too sudden. *"Ok, we'll send someone over as soon as we can!" I'm aware what you wanted to say here, but it seems like the person on the other side of the line is happy. *I can find occasional typos, grammar mistakes in similar. Nothing really important. *While it is partially because I like Ferb, killing him in a story is just... not something that would happen in PnF. *A bit too fast change of the POV. *On the other side, if this turns out by Phineas seeking revenge, then I won't really like it. He's very smart, enough to understand that revenge isn't a good thing. *Sometimes the characters acted OOC. Closing Comments: Okay, the author killed the main character. I personally don't find it really bad. Doing this the plot became original. While it was interesting and all, it also had some flaws with occasional/often OOCs, spelling and grammar mistakes. Sometimes, the story would be higly unbeliveable. Five-Word Summary: Original and interesting; often flaws. Final Rating: C- Candward Pros *The author's note was funny. *The writing is nice. Cons *I read the first paragraph. I had no idea what was going on. *Phineas is a bit OOC. *""I can't believe I'm saying this, but you don't look too bad yourself," she replied." That is something she wouldn't say. *Phineas wouldn't lie. Closing Comments: I was confused a bit with the start, but then I understood what was going on, with my poor knowledge of Sponge Bob. Well, the writing and everything was good. The idea was somewhat creative too. However, I don't think that Candace and that guy would kiss. I don't know what else to say. Five-Word Summary: Weird, somewhat creative and original. Final Rating: D- The Truth about Ferb Fletcher Pros *The writing is nice. Very nice. *It is interesting that Ferb's grandmother is the Queen. I really wanna see how this turns out. *Nice explanation of how Ferb got his name. *Interesting, above all. *That royal transporting thing is a very nice idea. *"Vanessa! Stop leaving your cell phone in the customers rooms!" I laughed. *I must say, how they met Flynns and all, it was amazing. Cons *I don't think there would be any foreign enemies of the queen in 1998... *There are some lines Ferb wouldn't say. He talks a bit more than he originally does. *Peanut butter and a blowtorch? *Uh... Ferb shouldn't be fat... *The bullies would know that he is going to be a King... Joking about it... just isn't right. They'd be scared or something. *Uh, Lawrence wouldn't call Emily too if the Queen collapsed, he'd most likely forget that Emily is there and just call Ferb. *OOC moments of Lawrence and Ferb. *Ferb is way too young to be anointed as a king, even with his genius intelligence. *Uh, Queen yelling "What the HECK?!"... seriously... *Uh, a cliff close to the place where they anoint kings? I don't think there would be one... *Lawrence wouldn't say "Dunno". *How does Ferb's hair say the location he'll evacuate to? *Uh... pirates... They shouldn't be existent. At least not the old-fashioned ones. *Candace is too young to be at the mall. If Vanessa was 11, she'd be 10. And to be with her friends in the mall (assuming, since their mom was in the house) is too dangerous. *"I know you can be annoyed by the boys" She'd say "boy" since she doesn't want to insult Lawrence. *Phin would know what Solar Energy is in the first place. *Uh, wouldn't Britain be rescued? It's not like one guy can seize the whole Britain. Closing Comments: Now, this was a really long story... The plot is creative. However, the idea of Ferb being a prince, is, well, too hard tu pull off, so it's normal there were numerous mistakes. The parts of the two families meeting were incredible, I really liked them. Some parts were funny too. However, there are also many flaws to this story. The idea of Santego conquering England was pretty impossible. Five-Word Summary: Creative and original; numerous flaws. Final Rating: C- First Contact Pros *GPS is above average. Better than many stories on here. *It's interesting. *Explanations are nice. Cons *I don't understand how could a device that tracks people related to you tell a name of someone you don't know (and the one you know, really) *That said, how could it track relatives not related by blood? Closing Comments: This story is nice, yet short. It is still a rare exception where the sequel is better. Jessica is a fairly nice character, and the explanations of how Ferb got to her are nice, though sometimes odd. I can't really say much about this story. It is nice, no many flaws, but it isn't anything special. Five-Word Summary: Nice; worse than its sequel. Final Rating: C To Review List *Terror Strikes Danville (Re-review) *Phyborg and Feronster *If Phin Had One Day To Live (Re-review) Category:Blog posts